Marriage in Japan is a legal and social system that plays a key role in family life. When couples become legally married, they update their family registration records, which officially changes their status. A ceremony is not required for marriage to be legal. Most weddings follow either Shinto traditions or Christian marriage customs held in chapels.
In the past, Japanese marriages were divided into two types based on how couples met. One type was omiai, where families arranged meetings for potential partners. The other type was ren'ai, where couples met on their own and chose to marry. Over time, these categories have become less important as Western ideas about love have influenced Japanese views on marriage.
History
Over the past 1,000 years, marriage in Japan has changed a lot. At first, Japanese customs were influenced by Chinese Confucian ideas during the medieval era. Later, during the modern era, they were shaped by Western ideas like individualism, gender equality, romantic love, and the nuclear family. Traditions that were once only used by a small group of wealthy people became popular as more people moved to cities.
The Heian period marked the end of Japan’s classical era. During this time, the imperial court was based in Heian-kyō (modern Kyoto). Society was organized by strict ranks, and the main goal of marriage was to have children who could inherit the highest rank from the best family. Marriages were not always permanent or ceremonial.
Aristocrats often spent months or years exchanging letters and poems before meeting in secret. If a man saw the same woman for three nights, they were considered married, and the woman’s parents would host a banquet. Most lower-class people had permanent marriages with one partner. Husbands would bring their wives into their household to ensure their children were legally recognized.
Some high-ranking noblemen had multiple wives or concubines. Aristocratic wives could stay in their father’s home, and the husband would officially recognize a child by giving a gift. Courtship and romantic challenges are well described in writings from this time, such as The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter, The Sarashina Diary, The Pillow Book, and The Tale of Genji.
Before modern times, marriage was closely tied to the ie (family or household), the basic unit of society. Members of the household were expected to put the family’s needs above their own, following Confucian ideas about respect for parents and social order. Choosing to stay single was considered the worst crime for men, according to Baron Hozumi.
Marriages were arranged by the head of the household, who was legally responsible for all members. Personal preferences in marriage were not allowed. Property belonged to the ie, not individuals, and only male heirs could inherit it. A woman married into her husband’s ie, which is why the word for “wife” (yome) and “marriage” (yomeiri) both mean “entering the household.”
If a family had no sons, they might adopt a male heir to continue the family line, a practice still used in some businesses today. Most adoptions involved adult men. Marriages were only allowed between families of equal social standing, making the selection process difficult. Even though Confucian ideas encouraged marrying outside one’s group, most people married within their local community. About one in five marriages in pre-modern Japan were between families already related.
Outcast groups like the Burakumin could not marry outside their caste, and discrimination continued even after a 1871 law tried to end the caste system.
In the medieval and Edo periods, marriage was used to form family alliances, reduce the number of female dependents, and grow the family workforce. A 17th-century book, Onna Daigaku (“Greater Learning for Women”), taught wives to honor their in-laws more than their own parents and to be “courteous, humble, and conciliatory” to their husbands. Husbands were also expected to prioritize their parents and children over their wives. A British observer once said, “If you love your wife, you spoil your mother’s servant.” This tension between a housewife and her mother-in-law has been a common theme in Japanese stories.
Romantic love played little role in medieval marriages, as emotional feelings were seen as conflicting with Confucian ideas. A proverb said, “Those who come together in passion stay together in tears.” For men, sexual pleasure was separate from marriage, which was mainly for having children. The ukiyo-e (woodblock prints) art style showed images of courtesans and geisha, and concubinage and prostitution were common until the Meiji Restoration ended feudal society.
During the Meiji period, arranged marriages among the upper class and samurai replaced the marriages of choice that rural commoners had once had. Rapid urbanization and industrialization moved more people to cities, ending the isolation of rural life. Schools became widely available by the early 1900s, teaching traditional values: first loyalty to the nation, then to the family, and last to personal interests. Under the Meiji Civil Code, the head of a household needed to give permission for marriage, and parents had to agree for men under 30 and women under 25.
In arranged marriages, couples often met at a formal introduction called an omiai (“looking at one another”), though some met for the first time at the wedding. A visitor to Japan described omiai as a chance for couples to “see and sometimes speak to each other to judge their qualities.” However, their objections were not taken seriously. The omiai tradition started with samurai and became common in the early 20th century when commoners used matchmakers. The term omiai is still used today to describe arranged marriages, even if no meeting happens, to distinguish them from “love matches.”
Marriage between Japanese and non-Japanese people was not allowed until March 14, 1873. Foreigners had to give up their citizenship to marry a Japanese person.
Courtship was rare during this time. Boys and girls were separated in schools, movies, and social events. Romantic relationships between coworkers could lead to being fired, and traveling couples during World War II could be arrested. Some parents arranged marriages to legitimize “love matches,” but many ended in separation or even suicide. Love was not considered necessary for marriage. A proposal by Baron Hozumi, who studied abroad, to allow divorce if there was no love failed to pass in 1898. A writer in 1930 said, “
Statistics
Source: National Institute of Population and Social Security Research (IPSS)
According to the 2010 census, 58.9% of Japan’s adult population is married. Among adults, 13.9% of women and 3.1% of men are widowed, and 5.9% of women and 3.8% of men are divorced. The number of marriages each year has decreased since the early 1970s, while the number of divorces has generally increased.
Fewer people in Japan are getting married, and they are getting married later in life. This is a common reason given for the very low birth rate. The total fertility rate has dropped since the 1970s (to 1.43 in 2013), but the number of children born to married women has stayed about the same (around 2.1). Most married couples have two or more children. Economic factors, such as the cost of raising children, conflicts between work and family life, and not having enough housing, are the most common reasons young mothers (under 34) have fewer children than they want.
Since 2002, the number of couples with one child or no children has increased (to 23.3% in 2010), even though many people still want larger families. Only 2% of births occurred outside of marriage, compared to 30–60% in Europe and North America. This is due to social taboos, legal rules, and financial challenges.
Half of Japan’s single mothers live below the poverty line, which is one of the highest rates among countries in the OECD. In addition, about 3.5 million Japanese children under 18 live in households that are considered to have "relative poverty" by the OECD.
Almost 90% of unmarried Japanese people want to marry, but the number of people who do not marry continues to grow. Between 1990 and 2010, the percentage of 50-year-olds who had never married increased four times for men (to 20.1%) and doubled for women (to 10.6%). The Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare predicts these numbers will rise to 29% of men and 19.2% of women by 2035. In 2014, the government’s population institute estimated that women in their early 20s had a 25% chance of never marrying and a 40% chance of remaining childless.
Recent media reports have highlighted surveys from the Japan Family Planning Association and the Cabinet Office showing that young people, especially men, are less interested in dating and sexual relationships. However, changes in sexuality and fertility are more likely results of fewer people forming families, not the cause. In Japan, the usual purpose of dating is marriage, so the reluctance to marry often means people avoid casual relationships.
Most Japanese people still believe in traditional family ideas, such as a husband who provides financial support, a wife who works at home, and two children. Labor practices, like long working hours, health insurance, and the national pension system, are based on a traditional model where one person earns money for the family. Because of this, Japan has kept a large gap in pay between men and women, even as other countries moved toward more equal arrangements in the 1970s.
Economic problems, slow wage increases, and job instability have made it harder for young couples to earn enough money to form a traditional family, even though they want to. Japan was once known for lifetime employment, but after the Japanese asset price bubble burst and the 1997 Asian financial crisis, the percentage of unmarried men aged 25–34 with regular jobs dropped from 78% in 1982 to 55% in 2010. Companies began hiring more people on temporary or part-time contracts. These workers earn about 53% less than regular workers each month and are seven times more likely to live in poverty. Men in this group are more than twice as unlikely to marry, and in their 30s, they are about 40% less likely to be married than those with regular jobs.
According to sociologist Masahiro Yamada, the failure of traditional family ideas to adapt to Japan’s economic and social changes has created a "gap in family formation" between people who can form traditional families and those who remain single or childless.
In 2013, the average age when men first married was about 31, and for women, it was about 29. This is among the highest in Asia. Women delay marriage for many reasons, including high personal and financial goals, more independence from education and work, and the challenge of balancing jobs and family life. Masahiro Yamada created the term "parasite singles" (パラサイトシングル, parasaito shinguru) for unmarried adults in their late 20s and 30s who live with their parents, usually women. Men who do not actively seek marriage are called "herbivore men" (草食男子, sōshoku danshi).
International marriage
American husbands account for 17% of all foreign husbands in Japan, while American wives make up 1% of foreign wives in Japan. Since 1965, the number of marriages to American women has dropped quickly, from 6% to 1%. This decrease is linked to Japan's long-term economic decline.
In 2010, the Ministry of Justice reported that 2,096 Russians, 404 Ukrainians, and 56 Belarusians were married to Japanese citizens. These numbers represent a small part of all international marriages in Japan. Most of these individuals were women married to Japanese men. It is estimated that between 3,000 and 5,000 Russian-speaking women married Japanese men.
In 2019, the Ministry of Health, Labour, and Welfare recorded 599,007 total marriages, of which 21,919 (about 1 in 30) were between a Japanese person and a foreign national. International marriages increased quickly during the 1980s and 1990s, reaching a peak in 2006 with 44,701 marriages (about 1 in 16). The number has since decreased. One reason for this decline is the 2005 changes to the Immigration Control Act, which made it harder for Philippine citizens to work in Japan. Filipino women experienced the largest drop, decreasing from 12,150 in 2006 to 3,118 (20.1% of foreign brides) in 2013. Many Filipino women come to Japan as entertainers, and some have faced abuse at home.
In 2019, of the 14,911 non-Japanese brides, most were from China (about 31.6%), followed by the Philippines (about 24.5%), Korea (about 11.2%), Thailand (about 6.6%), Brazil (about 2.1%), and the United States (about 1.9%). Of the 7,008 non-Japanese grooms, most were from Korea (about 25.1%), the United States (about 14.1%), China (about 13%), and Brazil (about 4.7%).
In 2013, of the 1 million children born in Japan, 2.2% had one or more non-Japanese parent. The increase in international families has sometimes caused disagreements about child custody. Children with one Japanese and one non-Japanese parent are sometimes called "hāfu" (ハーフ), though some people find this term offensive.
To have an international marriage in Japan, the following documents are required:
– A sworn Affidavit of Competency to Marry
– An original birth certificate
– Passport, Japanese Driver’s License, or Resident Card (Zairyo Card)
– Certificate of Marriage Notification (婚姻届書)
Additional documents may be needed in some cases, especially for people from China.
Domestic violence
A report from Japan's Cabinet Office in 2023 showed that 27.5% of wives and 22% of husbands experienced threats, physical violence, or rape. Dating abuse was reported by 22.7% of women and 12% of men. These numbers are much higher than in past years.
Marriage law
A marriage is officially approved by law once a couple properly hands in the needed papers to the city hall registrar to update their entry in the family registration sheet (koseki). No special ceremony is needed by Japanese law. The family registration sheet is used for birth certificates, proof of citizenship, marriage records, and death certificates. Each family has its own register, listed under the name of the head of the household (hittousya), including the spouse and unmarried children who are considered dependents.
When a couple marries, they must submit a marriage registration form (kon'in todoke) to start a new family registration sheet (shinkoseki) with a shared last name. Since 1947, couples can choose either the husband's or wife's surname, following a rule from 1898 that required people to share the same surname. Most couples choose the husband's surname, about 96% of the time, though some women keep their original name in daily life. The rule about shared surnames has faced legal challenges about fairness, but it remains in place. When a marriage is used to adopt a male heir, the husband takes his wife's family name.
International marriages in Japan follow different rules. Foreigners in Japan do not have their own family registration sheet, so those who marry a Japanese person are added to the Japanese spouse's family registration. Foreign spouses in Japan can apply for a long-term dependent visa.
Children born outside of marriage are marked as not born within marriage on their mother's family registration. These children can be legally recognized if the father later agrees. Until a court decision in 2013, these children were allowed to inherit only half as much as children born within marriage.
Wedding ceremonies
Japan's religious traditions often mix together. A common saying is, "Born Shinto, married Christian, die Buddhist." In practice, people often use elements from all three major religions at the same time. Japanese weddings usually begin with a Shinto or Western Christian-style ceremony for close family and friends. After this, the couple has a reception dinner and after-party at a restaurant or hotel banquet hall. At the party, extended family and friends give speeches and offer "gift money" (ご祝儀, goshūgi) in special envelopes. Close family members give about twice as much as friends.
Traditional Shinto weddings (神前式, shinzen shiki) make up about one in six Japanese weddings. These ceremonies take place in the main building of a shrine. A priest purifies the couple and asks the shrine's kami (gods or spirits) for their blessing. The bride and groom each take three sips of sake from three cups in a ritual called sansankudo (三三九度, "three cups thrice").
Japanese brides wear a kimono, which can be a shiromuku (白無垢, "pure white dress"), iro uchikake (色打掛, "colorful outer robe"), or kurobiki furisode (黒引き振袖), a black and patterned kimono once worn by nobility during the Edo period (1603–1868). Brides wear either an open white watabōshi (綿帽子) or a tsunokakushi (角隠し) headpiece. Grooms wear a black crested haori (羽織) jacket and loose, skirt-like hakama (袴) with a vertical stripe.
Christian weddings have become more popular in Japan since the mid-1990s and are now the most common type of wedding ceremony. These ceremonies include elements like hymns, prayers, Bible readings, exchanging rings, and vows before God. The bride often enters with her father, who "gives her away" to the groom. This exchange usually involves bowing and shaking hands. In recent years, the custom of lowering the veil has also become popular. The bride's mother lowers the veil before the bride walks down the "virgin road" with her father toward the groom. If the minister is not Japanese, the ceremony may mix Japanese and Western languages, such as English.
Non-religious or civil weddings often take place in banquet halls during the reception. A Master of Ceremonies leads the event, and guests sit at tables. These ceremonies may include Western-style elements like wedding dresses and tuxedos but avoid religious symbols.
Some younger couples choose "no host party" weddings, where friends attend and pay an attendance fee. These events focus on celebration rather than formal ceremonies.