Esther Perel (French: [pəʁɛl]; born August 13, 1958) is a Belgian psychotherapist known for her work on human relationships.

She introduced the idea of "erotic intelligence" in her book Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence (2006), which has been translated into 24 languages. After writing the book, she became an international advisor on sex and relationships. She has given two TED talks, hosts two podcasts, appears in the 2017 documentary Monogamish, teaches a class on relational intelligence through MasterClass, organizes therapy training and supervision events, and created a card game.

Perel also performed a live show called An Evening with Esther Perel: The Future of Relationships, Love and Desire around the world.

Early life and education

Perel was born and raised in Antwerp, Belgium, as the daughter of Sala Ferlegier and Icek Perel, two Polish Jewish Holocaust survivors. She has one brother named Leon.

Perel studied at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem in Israel, where she received a bachelor's degree in educational psychology and French literature. Later, she earned a master's degree in expressive art therapy from Lesley University in Cambridge, Massachusetts, United States.

Perel grew up with Holocaust survivors in Antwerp. She later divided them into two groups: "those who didn't die, and those who came back to life."

When she travels in Europe, Perel gives talks in several languages, not only in English.

Career

Perel first studied psychodynamic psychotherapy before focusing on family systems theory. She attended the Intensive Certificate Program in Couple and Family Therapy at the Family Institute of Cambridge, which is now part of Therapy Training Boston. She began her career as a cross-cultural psychotherapist, working with couples and families. For 13 years, she taught at the New York University School of Medicine.

Perel also worked as an actress, appearing in the 2017 film Newness as herself. She currently owns a clothing boutique in Antwerp.

Ideas

Perel explains that changes in society, such as a decrease in religious influence, an increase in people focusing on their own needs and desires, and society's expectation that people should be happy, have led to higher expectations for romantic relationships than ever before.

Podcasts

Perel hosts two podcasts: Where Should We Begin? and How's Work?

Where Should We Begin? allows listeners to hear real therapy sessions between Perel and couples who are seeking help with relationship challenges, such as cheating, lack of intimacy, or dealing with loss. The podcast includes live recordings of these sessions, along with Perel’s thoughts and the methods she uses to help the couples. The New York Times said the podcast feels like listening to a mystery being solved rather than a show about relationships. The couples featured include both heterosexual and same-sex couples. The first episode was released on Audible in May 2017 and became available on iTunes on October 9, 2017. Three seasons were released by December 2019. Where Should We Begin? won a 2018 Gracie Award.

How's Work? is Perel’s second podcast. It follows a format similar to Where Should We Begin?, but instead of couples, the participants are coworkers or business partners discussing challenges in their work relationships. HuffPost described the episodes as "one-time therapy sessions between Perel and co-founders, family business members, or partners who are struggling with workplace conflicts." One review said the podcast explores how personal qualities shape people and how these qualities affect work life. Many people value their careers and workplace relationships as much as their romantic relationships. How's Work? was created by Gimlet Media and was only available on Spotify. The show first aired in November 2019. In March 2023, Bloomberg reported that How's Work? was bought by Vox Media’s Podcast Network.

Publications

• Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence, originally had the subtitle Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic (2006, published by Harper, ISBN 978-0060753634)
• The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity (2017, published by Harper, ISBN 978-0062322586)

Recognition

In 2016, Perel was added to Oprah Winfrey's Supersoul 100 list, which includes people with important ideas and influential leaders.

In 2021, Perel was chosen for the first-ever Forbes 50 Over 50 list, which features people older than 50 who work in areas like business, leadership, science, and creativity.

Personal life

Perel is Jewish and says about being Jewish, "You can't know me without it."

Perel is married to Jack Saul, who is an assistant professor in clinical population and family health at Columbia University Mailman School of Public Health. They met at Lesley University when she was 22 or 23. He is seven years older than her. After two years of being close friends, they became a couple.