The Four Loves is a book written by C.S. Lewis in 1960. It discusses the nature of love from a Christian and philosophical point of view using imaginary situations. The book came from a series of radio talks from 1958. These talks were criticized in the U.S. at the time for being open about sex.

Need/gift love

C.S. Lewis began his discussion using the words from St. John, "God is Love." At first, he wanted to compare "Need-love," such as a child's love for a parent, with "Gift-love," which is shown by God's love for people. He believed the former was less important. However, he later realized that these types of love are more complex than they seem. A child's need for comfort from parents is necessary and not selfish. On the other hand, when parental love becomes too much, it can become harmful.

Pleasures

Lewis continues his study by looking at the different kinds of pleasure. He separates basic needs, like water for someone who is thirsty, from pleasures that come from appreciation, such as enjoying nature. From these, he introduced a new idea about love, which he called "appreciative love."

The four loves

Storge (storgē, Greek: στοργή) is the love that comes from being close to someone through familiarity, such as family members or people who become connected by chance. An example is the natural love a parent feels for their child. This type of love is natural because it happens without being forced, emotional because it grows from being close to someone, and widespread because it does not focus on what is considered "valuable" or worthy of love. It can continue even when differences exist. Lewis described it as a love that depends on meeting needs, and it can fade if those needs are not met.

Affection, according to Lewis, includes two types: Need-love and Gift-love. He believed affection contributes to most of the lasting happiness people experience. However, affection’s strength also makes it weak. Lewis said affection seems automatic or already present, leading people to expect it even when their actions do not earn it. Both forms of affection can become damaged by emotions like jealousy, mixed feelings, or overprotectiveness.

Philia (Greek: φιλία) is the deep love between friends who are as close as siblings. This type of love exists between people who share similar values, interests, or activities. Lewis said friendship is different from other types of love because it is not biological or instinctive. Humans do not need friendship to reproduce, but in ancient and medieval times, it was seen as a higher form of love because it is freely chosen. Lewis believed true friendships, like the one between David and Jonathan in the Bible, are rare today. He criticized modern society for not valuing such friendships as much as ancient cultures did. He noted that ancient people saw friendship as the happiest and most human form of love, while modern society often ignores it. For Lewis, friendship was a love based on appreciation, though he felt few people today understand its true value. He also warned that friendships can lead to problems like favoritism, resistance to authority, or pride.

Eros (erōs, Greek: ἔρως) is the love of being in love with someone, not just physical attraction. Lewis contrasted this with what he called Venus, which refers to sexual desire. He explained the difference as wanting a woman versus wanting a specific woman, showing his view of humans as both rational and instinctive. Eros changes the basic pleasure of Venus into a deep appreciation. However, Lewis warned that modern people often treat Eros as a god, allowing it to justify selfishness or even become a focus on physical aspects. He noted that Eros itself is neutral and can lead to both good and bad outcomes. While he acknowledged Eros can be a powerful experience, he also pointed out it can lead to harmful actions, such as suicide pacts or violent conflicts, when love turns into hatred.

Charity (agápē, Greek: ἀγάπη) is the love that remains strong even when situations change. Lewis saw this selfless love as the greatest of the four types and a key Christian virtue. He argued that the other three loves—Storge, Philia, and Eros—are not enough on their own and must be guided by the love of God, who is full of charitable love. This helps prevent the other loves from becoming harmful or self-centered.