Elopement is a type of marriage that happens quickly and secretly. It often includes a sudden departure from one’s home with a partner, with the goal of getting married without the permission of their parents. This is different from an abduction, such as bride kidnapping, where one person does not agree to the marriage. It is also different from a shotgun wedding, where the parents of one person, usually the bride, pressure both individuals into marriage.

In modern times, the word "elopement" is sometimes used to describe any small, inexpensive wedding, even if the parents know about the plans beforehand.

The term "elopement" is also used in other ways. For example, it can mean escaping from a place like a psychiatric institution without permission. It may also describe a married person leaving their spouse to run away with someone else.

Background

The term "elopement" is now commonly used to describe a marriage that happens quickly, with little or no public notice. Some couples choose to elope to avoid disagreements from their parents or religious groups.

In some modern situations, couples may work together to elope by pretending it is a bride kidnapping, which makes it seem like the marriage has already happened. However, in many cases, men who try to take a wife without permission often come from lower social positions due to poverty, illness, poor behavior, or criminal activity. These men may be unable to legally marry because the woman’s family expects money, called a bride price (this is different from a dowry, which is money given by the woman’s family). In some areas, families react violently to elopement, while in other places, it is now more widely accepted.

Examples

In England, a requirement for a Christian marriage is the "reading of the banns." Before a wedding, the names of the couple must be announced by the priest in their parish church for three Sundays over three months, or a "Notice of Intent to Marry" must be posted at the registry office for civil ceremonies. This rule aims to stop bigamy or other illegal marriages by letting others who might have legal objections know about the planned marriage. However, it also often alerts the couple’s parents, who sometimes object for personal reasons. To avoid this, couples can obtain a special license from the Archbishop of Canterbury or leave the country where the law does not apply.

For civil marriages, a notice must be posted at the correct register office for 28 clear days.

In the Philippines, elopement is called "tanan." This is a traditional practice where a woman leaves her home without her parents’ permission to live with her partner. She often leaves at night, and her partner waits nearby to take her to a new location. The next day, her parents are unaware of her disappearance. "Tanan" usually happens when a woman wants to avoid an arranged marriage or defy her parents’ disapproval of her chosen partner.

In Indonesia, elopement is known as "kawin lari," meaning "runaway marriage." This occurs when a couple cannot get parental permission for their marriage. Because Indonesia is a religiously strict country, marriage without a parent’s (or closest living relative’s) consent is not allowed. Many couples who elope end up marrying without official government recognition.

In Malaysia, elopement is also called "kahwin lari" or "marriage on a run." This often happens when families disapprove of the relationship or when the marriage involves a foreign man. It can also occur if the court does not allow polygamy or if a man wants to keep a second marriage secret from his first wife. Some couples may elope to another country, such as Pattani, if the dowry is too expensive. While eloping abroad may be legally valid, failing to register the marriage under Islamic law can cause problems with inheritance, religious pilgrimages, divorce, and child birth records. Some couples elope to avoid complicated registration rules set by their religious councils.

In Assyrian society, elopement ("Jelawta" or "Jenawta") against a parent’s wishes is considered shameful and rarely practiced. In the 19th and early 20th centuries, Assyrians protected their women from being abducted by neighboring groups like Kurds, Azeris, and Turks, who sometimes forced Assyrian women to convert to Islam and marry them.

Among the Nomadic and Militaristic Kurdish Bolbas tribes, especially the Mangur tribe, premarital romance was allowed. These relationships often led to elopement if the bride’s family did not approve. These love marriages were called "radu khstn," meaning "chased after [a person]." Elopement was seen as honorable only if the bride’s family repeatedly refused the marriage request, and the bride decided to marry her lover herself. If the bride did not ask her family first or if the family only allowed elopement for divorced women, it was considered dishonorable. Many Bolbas women married this way, which was seen as an honor. This practice caused conflict with the Mokri tribe, who valued modesty over strength and banned the tradition. The Mangur tribe practiced this until the 1980s.

In some cases, elopement is not about avoiding parental disapproval but about overcoming legal barriers to inter-sectarian marriages. As described in Lara Deeb’s book "Love Across Differences," some couples in Lebanon choose to have a civil wedding in Cyprus, even with parental approval, to avoid the country’s strict sectarian laws. They may also elope to protect their parents from societal criticism, as inter-sectarian marriages can cause religious tensions. By eloping, couples take full responsibility for their decision without relying on their parents’ approval. These examples show that elopement can be a practical choice, not just an act of rebellion.

In popular culture

The relationship between Helen and Paris of Troy is sometimes shown as a secret escape rather than being taken against her will.

Patsy’s Elopement (1915) was a silent scene from an early movie series made by Lubin Manufacturing Company. It humorously explored the topic of elopement.

In 2019, searches for ideas about elopement photography on Pinterest rose by 128 percent. Other similar phrases, such as "elopements at city halls" and "elopements in forests," also saw higher search numbers.

In the card game contract bridge, an elopement play is a strategy that allows a smaller card to win a trick if it is placed over a higher card from an opponent. If the card’s value does not matter, it is called a "pure" elopement. If the card’s value does matter, it is called a "rank" elopement.