An open relationship is a type of romantic or sexual relationship where people are not limited to having only one partner. In an open relationship, the partners usually have a main connection with each other, but they agree that it is possible for one or both of them to have romantic or sexual relationships with others. The word "open relationship" is sometimes used the same way as "polyamory," but these terms describe slightly different ideas.

Open relationships can include any kind of romantic relationship, such as dating or marriage, where the people involved allow one or more partners to be romantically or sexually connected with others. This is different from a "closed" relationship, where both people agree to only be with each other and no one else. The idea of open relationships has been known about since the 1970s.

Types

Open relationships are a way to think about relationships that goes beyond just being with one person. One type of open relationship is an open marriage, where people in a marriage agree to have relationships with others.

There are different kinds of open relationships. Examples include:

• Multi-partner relationships, where three or more people are involved, but not all of them have a sexual relationship with each other.
• Hybrid relationships, where one person is not in a monogamous relationship, and the other is.
• Swinging, where people in a committed relationship or singles have sexual activities with others as a fun or social activity.

The main idea that connects all these types of relationships is that they allow for more than one romantic or sexual relationship. Another term for these relationships is "open love."

Swinging is a type of open relationship where people in a committed relationship have sexual activities with others. Some people see this as a way to add fun or excitement to their lives. Others believe that swinging can be honest and clear, unlike cheating. Some couples think swinging helps them grow closer.

An open marriage, also called agreed-upon non-monogamy, is a marriage where people agree that their partners can have other romantic or sexual relationships.

Polyamory means having more than one close relationship at the same time, with everyone’s permission. While "open relationship" is sometimes used the same as "polyamory," they are not the same. People who are polyamorous may choose to have open relationships or choose to stay with only their partner. The word "open" in "open relationship" focuses on sexual relationships, while "polyamory" includes emotional connections as well.

The terms "polyamory" and "friends with benefits" are newer words that have been used for only a few decades, even though the ideas behind them have existed for a long time.

Prevalence

Some people think that open relationships are more common in certain groups, such as younger people compared to older people in America. This includes people with college degrees who are middle-class, rather than those without college education who work in lower-paying jobs, or people from certain racial or ethnic backgrounds. A 2012 survey found that 4% of people said they were in an open relationship. The survey also showed that males and people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender (LGBT) are more likely to be in open relationships. Specifically, 33% of gay men, 23% of bisexual men, 5% of lesbian women, and 22% of bisexual women reported being in an open relationship.

A study from 1974 found that male students who live with a partner or in a shared living arrangement are more likely to be in open relationships than females. These males are also more interested in the idea of open relationships, even if they are not currently in one. A survey by a magazine called FS Magazine, which focuses on health and lifestyle topics for gay men, found that 41% of the 1,006 gay men surveyed were in or had previously been in an open relationship. Of those currently in open relationships, 75% believe open relationships are positive.

Many couples in open relationships are dual-career, meaning both partners have stable jobs or careers. Both men and women in these relationships, especially in closed groups, are more likely to hold managerial jobs. Most of these couples are either childfree or have finished raising children.

Reward vs. risk

An open relationship may form for many reasons. These include:

• Liking someone else but not wanting to end the current relationship.
• Pressure or being forced by a partner who wants an open relationship.
• Being naturally non-monogamous (born that way).
• A difference growing between two people in a relationship.
• One partner realizing they cannot meet the other’s needs.
• Differences in how much sex each partner wants.
• One or both partners wanting more freedom, companionship, new experiences, career growth, or connections with others.
• A need for challenge: some people feel their relationship is not enough unless they face difficulties. Open relationships may cause feelings like jealousy, attachment, or possessiveness, which can be hard to manage. These feelings might also help people understand themselves better, which some find satisfying. Some studies show people in open relationships may feel less jealousy than those in monogamous relationships.
• Enjoying the excitement of starting a new relationship.
• Meeting others with similar views and connecting on an emotional or intellectual level.
• Being in a relationship based on reasons like money or social needs, not love (such as a traditional practice in some cultures).
• Living far apart from each other.
• Sex being more enjoyable and happening more often than in typical relationships.
• Problems with how partners are sexually compatible.
• Increased trust from setting clear rules and talking openly.
• Greater intimacy from discussing sexual desires and experiences.

Some research suggests men (both gay and straight) may think about sex and emotions separately, which makes it easier for them to have open relationships. This is different from how many women might view relationships. However, studies show that both monogamous and non-monogamous couples can be equally happy. Some people may not fully commit to an open relationship, or their partner may not agree to it. A partner might also focus more on their own goals and less on the relationship.

Jealousy is common in monogamous relationships, and adding more partners can make it worse. Some studies say jealousy is still a problem in open relationships because having another person involved can cause worry. In one study, 80% of people in open relationships said they felt jealous at some point.

People in non-monogamous relationships often face stereotypes, such as being seen as less sexually satisfying, more sexually risky, or less moral. These ideas are supported by the belief that monogamous relationships are the most natural or acceptable.

Cultural ideas may also make it hard to start or keep an open relationship. Society often believes people in open relationships are less committed or mature. Movies, books, and media sometimes say wanting more than one partner means not having a "real" relationship. In the past, people dated many people before becoming exclusive, but now, people often go directly to being in a committed relationship. Some people today think wanting an open relationship is just a temporary phase before settling down. Managing an open relationship can be hard, especially if partners share living space, money, property, or children.

Any sexual activity outside a monogamous or polyfidelitous relationship increases the risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) spreading within the group. Using condoms or getting regular STI tests can lower this risk, but not eliminate it. A study found that people in open relationships use condoms more often during sex than those in monogamous relationships.

A medicine called PrEP has helped reduce the risk of HIV infection by up to 92%. If both partners use PrEP, the risk of HIV is much lower, even with multiple partners.

Successful open relationships

A key part of making a relationship work is ensuring it meets the needs of everyone involved. Open relationships are different for each couple, and they may change over time based on the situation. The way an open relationship is handled often reflects the values, goals, and beliefs of the people in it.

Relationships that take more time to build tend to be more successful. This time allows partners to think about what they want from an open relationship, understand their feelings, solve problems, and adjust to changes, such as moving from a monogamous relationship to a nonmonogamous one.

Discussing the details of an open relationship is important throughout the process. Common topics include honesty, how much time and effort each person is willing to put in, trust, setting limits, and managing time.

Couples may use tools like allowing a partner to say no to new relationships, requiring permission before meeting someone new, or deciding how partners can interact with others. These tools help both people feel their opinions are valued. However, some couples choose not to use the right to say no, as they believe it might limit their partner’s freedom.

Boundaries help set rules for what is and is not acceptable in a relationship. They include physical rules, such as not touching someone without permission; sexual rules, such as what types of contact are allowed; and emotional rules, such as avoiding certain conversations. These boundaries help everyone feel safe and respected.

Examples of boundaries might include:
– Who can be a new partner (such as friends, family, or others in the community);
– What types of physical contact are allowed (kissing, dating, or other activities);
– Where certain activities can happen (like in a separate room or location).

Some couples create a written agreement to outline their expectations, needs, and limits. This can help clarify what each person is responsible for.

Managing time well is important for a successful open relationship. Even though people may want to spend a lot of time with others, there are limits to how much time is available each day. If time cannot be shared equally, some couples may decide to end a relationship with someone. Time management also connects to fairness, which means treating all partners equally in how time is spent.

Research on open marriages

In 1974, a national study on sexuality by Hunt found that not many people participate in swinging. Hunt said that the low number of people in open marriages is because of social, psychological, and practical problems. However, some people in these relationships confirmed that marital swinging can offer exciting physical experiences, make people feel good about themselves, and provide a temporary escape from responsibilities and a chance to live out fantasies.

Some studies show that couples in open marriages can have satisfying relationships. Rubin found no differences in how well couples in open marriages and couples in monogamous marriages get along. Rubin and Adams also found no differences in marital satisfaction between couples in open marriages and those in monogamous relationships. Gilmartin found similar results. A study by Bergstrand and Williams found that couples in open marriages had higher levels of satisfaction than couples in the general population.

Some couples in open marriages report high levels of satisfaction. A study by Wolf found that 76% of couples in open marriages described their relationships as "better than average" or "outstanding." Dixon found similar results in a study of 100 bisexual and heterosexual husbands in open marriages. In another study, Dixon observed that 80% of wives in open marriages rated their marital compatibility as "excellent" or "good," and 76% of the wives rated their sexual satisfaction as "excellent" or "good." Buunk also reported high satisfaction levels in couples in open marriages.

Some couples say that open marriage increased their happiness. Bergstrand and Williams collected online questionnaires from 1,092 people in swinging-style open marriages. Among those who were "somewhat unhappy" or "unhappy" with their marriages before swinging, about 80–90% said they were happier after starting swinging. Nearly half of those who were "very happy" before swinging said they were even happier afterward. In some cases, open marriage can increase marital satisfaction.

Couples sometimes leave open marriages and return to monogamy. In a five-year study of bisexuals, 80% of whom started with open relationships, Martin Weinberg, Colin J. Williams, and Douglas Pryor found that many shifted toward monogamy over time. At first, most preferred non-monogamy as their ideal relationship style. Five years later, about 60% changed their views, with most saying monogamy became their new ideal. Some changes were due to the AIDS epidemic, as monogamy was seen as a way to avoid HIV/AIDS. However, for many, the shift was because of a genuine change in what they wanted from relationships.

Couples who leave open marriages and return to monogamy may have different feelings about open marriage. Some may feel negatively about their experiences, while others still believe non-monogamy could work for others but not for themselves. Overall, open marriage has a neutral impact on these couples. Rubin and Adams found no difference in the risk of divorce between couples in open marriages and those in monogamous marriages.

Couples in open marriages may face conflicts caused by jealousy. Studies show that 80% or more of couples in open marriages experience jealousy over their extramarital relationships. Jealousy can lead to serious conflicts, such as trying to stop a partner from seeing someone else, which might make them angry. Insulting a partner or demanding more commitment can cause arguments. Many studies report that conflicts often happen during jealousy. These conflicts can be overwhelming and harm relationships.

Even when jealousy is not a major issue, open relationships may cause other problems. Many authors say that open marriages can disrupt relationships by reducing intimacy and creating insecurities.

Some couples say open marriage contributed to their divorces. Janus and Janus asked divorced people to list their main reason for divorce. About 1% of men and 2% of women cited open marriage as the main reason. This seems small, but only 1–6% of the population has open marriages. Open marriage is seen as a primary cause of divorce for a significant number of people in that group.

It is still unclear how much open marriage actually contributes to divorce. Blumstein and Schwartz note a slightly higher risk of divorce among couples who engage in extramarital sex, even if they agree to allow it.