A long-distance relationship (LDR) is a close relationship between two people who live in different places. These relationships often involve partners who do not see each other in person. Many college students are in LDRs, with 25% to 50% of all relationships being long-distance. Experts have found that LDRs are common among undergraduate students, but they are still not studied enough.

Characteristics

Long-distance relationships (LDRs) are very different from relationships where partners are near each other and can see each other in person most days. According to Rohlfing (1995), people in long-distance relationships face these specific challenges:

• More money is needed to keep the relationship going
• It is hard to keep friendships with people who live nearby while being in a long-distance romantic relationship
• It is hard to know how the relationship is doing when partners are far apart
• Partners may expect a lot from the few times they can meet in person

LDRs with friends and family

Not all long-distance relationships are romantic. When people go to school far away, they often stay in touch with family and friends through long-distance communication. A study by Pew Internet (2004) found that 79% of adults in the United States use the Internet to stay connected with family and friends. Another study by Pew Internet (2002a) noted that new technologies help college students maintain more social connections with friends than with family members. Examining how college students use email can help understand how the Internet affects their emotional and social lives.

Because of globalization and advances in transportation and communication, migration has become a common part of modern life. As a result, transnational families—families with members living in different countries—are becoming more common. These families remain united despite being separated by distance. For example, children may move abroad for education, parents may leave home for better job opportunities, or siblings may live in different parts of the world.

A study that interviewed 50 adult migrant children in Australia and their parents in Italy, Ireland, and the Netherlands found that family members who live far apart often provide the same types of support as those who live nearby, such as financial help, emotional support, and advice. Loretta Baldassar’s research on 30 transnational families between Australia and Italy showed that emotional and moral support between parents and children is key to keeping family relationships strong. The Internet has made it easier for distant family members to communicate regularly and affordably, helping them stay connected.

Cao (2013) interviewed 14 people who regularly communicate with family members in different time zones, such as the UK, US, Canada, and China. The study found that people often use real-time communication methods like video calls (e.g., Skype) to stay in touch with family members. These methods create a sense of closeness and connection, which Cao says is important for emotional support. However, older communication methods like letters, cards, and gifts are still used by some families to show care.

Research shows that people use different ways to communicate with different family members. People often talk more with close family members like parents or children, but they may communicate less with siblings who live far away. Siblings, especially younger ones, may prefer quick, informal updates through instant messages rather than regular conversations.

Many parents move to other countries for work, leaving their children behind. These parents hope to give their children a better future. However, the effects of this migration on children vary. Some children may benefit financially from money sent home by parents, but they may also feel lonely from being separated for long periods. A study of 755 Mexican families found similar results: children may gain economic benefits from remittances but face emotional challenges. Another study by Lahaie, Hayes, Piper, and Heymann (2009) found that children in transnational families in Mexico and the US may experience mental health issues linked to parental migration.

The gender of the parent who migrates can also affect children. In some cultures, children may feel more emotional stress if their mothers move for work compared to if their fathers do, based on traditional gender roles. Studies in Southeast Asia, such as the Children Health and Migrant Parents in Southeast Asia (CHMPSEA) project, found that children of migrant fathers in Indonesia and Thailand were more likely to have poor mental health than children in non-migrant families. This pattern was not found in children from the Philippines and Vietnam.

Caregiving arrangements for children left behind also impact their development. When extended family members help care for children, it can affect their well-being. A study by Lahaie et al. (2009) found that children who care for themselves without help are more likely to have behavioral or academic problems. These children may feel abandoned by their parents, leading to actions like skipping school or joining gangs as a way to cope.

Military long-distance relationship

Military partners who are waiting for their loved ones to return from deployment often feel a lot of stress before and during the time their partner is away. A military long-distance relationship (LDR) is different from a regular LDR because communication is often limited. Military rules might control how often phone calls can happen, or there may not be enough time to talk. These limits, along with the process of deployment, can make the partner at home feel lonely and worried about keeping the relationship strong. Additional challenges include knowing that the service member may be sent to a dangerous area where their life is at risk. Throughout all stages of deployment, the partner may experience emotional difficulties, such as feeling anxious, sad, confused, angry, depressed, or eventually accepting the situation.

Statistics in the US

In 2005, a study found that about 14 to 15 million people in the United States said they were in a long-distance relationship. By 2015, this number stayed around 14 million. Approximately 32.5% of college relationships are long-distance. The average distance between partners in these relationships is 125 miles. Couples in long-distance relationships usually call each other every 2.7 days. On average, they visit each other 1.5 times per month. Most couples in long-distance relationships plan to live together about 14 months into the relationship. Around 40% of these couples break up, with problems often starting about 4.5 months into the relationship. About 70% of breakups happen because of unexpected events. Seventy-five percent of engaged couples have been in a long-distance relationship at some point, and about 10% of couples stay in a long-distance relationship after getting married. In the United States alone, approximately 3.75 million married couples are in a long-distance relationship.

Means of staying in contact

New communication tools, such as cell phone plans, have made it easier for people to stay in touch with others who live far away. Before the internet became popular, long-distance relationships were less common because people mainly used the telephone or wrote letters to communicate. In 2008, Pew Internet asked American citizens how often they used the Internet. They found that 56% sent or read emails, 10% used instant messaging, and 9% used online social networks like Facebook or Twitter. However, the Internet has made long-distance relationships more common because modern technology makes it easier to keep in contact. Staying connected and setting clear goals can help prevent problems in relationships.

As long-distance relationships have grown, more technologies have been created to help couples who live apart. Some devices try to copy actions people do when they are together, such as hugging, kissing, or other activities. For example, app-connected devices like Lovense let partners interact in real time, even when they are far apart. So far, these technologies have not been very successful.

Couples who use regular, planned ways to keep their relationships strong and use social media can better manage long-distance relationships. Some helpful behaviors include being positive (keeping interactions happy and friendly), being open (talking about the relationship and feelings), giving reassurance (making the partner feel secure about the relationship and future), seeking support (relying on friends and family for help), sharing tasks (working on the same activities), and managing conflicts (offering advice to solve problems).

Relationship maintenance behaviors

People in close relationships often try to improve their connection. They use many ways to make their partner happy and keep the relationship strong. How people act greatly affects how satisfied they are with the relationship and how long it lasts. Researchers have found that partners use certain behaviors to maintain their relationship. These behaviors are divided into seven groups: promises of love and commitment, sharing feelings openly, managing disagreements, having positive conversations, sharing responsibilities, offering advice, and using social groups for support (Dainton, 2000; Stafford, Dainton, & Haas, 2000).

Dindia and Emmers-Sommer (2006) found three types of behaviors that help partners stay connected when they are separated. These include "prospective behaviors," like saying goodbye before a separation; "introspective behaviors," which involve talking while apart; and "retrospective behaviors," which are face-to-face conversations after separation to rebuild connection. These are called Relationship Continuity Constructional Units (RCCUs). Both maintenance behaviors and RCCUs are linked to higher relationship satisfaction and stronger commitment (Pistole et al., 2010).

Research

A study about jealousy in long-distance relationships (LDRs) found that 114 people in LDRs shared how often they met in person each week. Thirty-three percent of these people said they never met face-to-face, while 67% met occasionally, averaging one to two days per week. Researchers compared LDRs to geographically close relationships (GCRs) and found that people in LDRs who never met face-to-face felt more jealous than those who met occasionally or those in GCRs. People who did not meet face-to-face were also more likely to use the internet to talk with their partner. The study showed that meeting face-to-face regularly helps LDR partners feel more satisfied, committed, and trusting. Those who did not meet face-to-face reported much lower levels of satisfaction, commitment, and trust.

Another study included 180 college students in LDRs who later moved to be geographically close. Of these, 66 people ended their relationships after moving, while 114 continued their relationships.

A study by Stafford, Merolla, and Castle (2006) found that when couples moved from being geographically separated to being close, they experienced more challenges in communication. According to the Communicative Interdependence Perspective, switching from using technology to talk (like texting or video calls) to face-to-face meetings, or the other way around, can cause discomfort. Moving from face-to-face meetings to technology can make it harder to share feelings and may lead to misunderstandings. This change might increase risks for long-distance relationships.

An analysis of responses from participants showed that 97% noticed changes in their relationships after moving to be geographically close. Many said they enjoyed spending more time together and doing everyday activities, like holding hands or eating together. However, some felt they lost freedom or privacy that distance had given them. Many reported more arguments and conflicts after moving closer, saying problems were harder to solve. For example, one person said they fought less during the long-distance phase, and when they did argue, problems were resolved faster. Some also felt more jealous after moving closer, worrying their partner might be cheating or had cheated in the past. Being together allowed them to discover both positive and negative traits in their partner, noticing changes in their behavior since the relationship was long-distance.